This summer has been very interesting. I am definitely learning more about myself, the world, and God’s character.Typed out, that seems pretty good. But, what I know, is the struggles I have gone through grappling over what it means to live faithfully and have what breaks God’s heart literally break yours. I am not where I thought I would be right now. According to my freshman idea of where I would be: I would be off to med school working my way towards becoming a gastroenterologist. (Today I can say Amen God for changing my heart’s desire…I have loved almost every minute of where He has taken me since changing that idea a few years ago.) Acording to my senior idea of where I would be: I would be living in Pittsburgh delving into Christian community and working in a non-profit or some kind of organization and be close to getting married. Neither of those ideas of mine panned out. I am definitely thankful for the first (Perhaps I will share some of that story as time goes on). But the second, I am still working on. In the meantime, the Lord has taken me to places I thought I’d never go and shown me sorrow I knew existed, but not the extent to which I have witnessed. My heart hurts nearly everyday where I work now. I work with children, sweet precious children. But most of the time I find out a new horror story or witness a new situation that makes my stomache churn and I ache. Why do so many parents not care? Why is it the mom’s prerogative to lay by the pool all day while her five year old still is not potty-trained. Why is it ok that a child has teeth completely rotten because the child was fed iced coffee instead of milk as a baby? And, unfortunately my previous examples is one small glimpse. I feel helpless. I want to adopt them all. I want to change the fact that their Daddy doesn’t love them. I want to tell them they have a Daddy who loves them unconditionally. I do not want to hear “Mommy tricked me again” or see that “Daddy” didn’t bathe them again. But I can’t. So, I have been feeling helpless. Helpless because I have no control over their lives, and even hopeless for what might become of them. I have even been feeling hopeless about my own situation- back home, lacking a real post-college job, and feeling like I just came off of a four-year high. And that’s when God winked at me- when I was feeling hopeless and alone. I was at Church just kind of mumbling the words to songs. Forever (Christ Tomlin) started. I was lipping the words “Forever God is faithful,” when the sun shown through the blinds and nearly blinded me for a second. It was as if God was saying, you see, Get with the program…look around… “do not give up…9 Let us not lose heart in doing good, for in due time we will reap if we do not grow weary” (Galations 6:9). I am committed to not giving up. Don’t you love that God is not too big to wink at His children?
When God winks at you.
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About the Author: Jen Lavoine
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